and down

there are some people in the world who for what ever reason are not a relaxing presence. they take up the space around you and fill it with tension, nervous energy or are sometimes just irritating
there is no comfort in these people. no silence. i didnt know how much i valued silence.
i talk a lot, this i understand about myself and yet i respect and even crave quiet. it is for me the single most beautiful sound you can share with someone else, provided of course that person is restfull.
today i was thinking about the sort of person i could happily spend my days with. i do not think they exist my requirements are not excessive in and of themselves and yet i think i could go whole decades without finding someone who embodies them all.
at times this scares me.
and then i think, i think of the reverse where is the person who's requirements i fufill?
this is a pretty bizzare person, i am not at all sure i like him. what sort of person wishes for the things that are me? what made them? what formed them? what are they thinking? and then i remembered that we scale down our dreams that is all life really is we take the impossible and pair it down until we can find on the outside a hint of what we made on the inside in our desperation to find it we over look all sorts of things, faults and holes and we compromise untill the horse is a camel
i am not sure i am ready to retire my dream, that is why i am single. well that and my inability to act. but that im afraid is another, less introspective blog post.