I do theatre, what did you expect?

Being a theatre student i am morally obliged to be a pretentious prick and i am. it is my duty and right to bore well meaning friends with quotes from things that they have, understandably, never heard of. it is imperative that i badger them to come to "just one more" ridiculous play where no one says anything and no-one will shut up and do i feel guilty? 
Well I'm fucked if i do and a shit if i don't: Lawyers love mime, Chemical Engineers love ambiguity, Sports Journalists are suckers for Brecht, Politicians think absurdism is super-fucking-awesome at least that's what my friends have shown me. 
The point of this is that i am ,in a very round about way, questioning the validity of my chosen degree. someone on one tree hill i think it was Lucas (now that's a cultural reference for you) said "your art matters" but does it? i begin to wonder to whom it matters.
i chose to study English literature not because it was what i am best at (it isn't) or because i find it easy (i don't) or even because i like the sound of my own voice ( which obviously i do) i chose it because i wanted to know things, i wanted a mind full of dusty facts, i wanted to know something about everything if i could never know everything about something. 
Guess what? 
I ain't even close.You know what else? 
i am starting to care less and less.  
grrr arrrgh!
it is at times like theses when i wish to be eloquent, to be able to say what i mean but:
"that is not what i meant, not what i meant at all"
my point escapes me.
as i don't doubt it does you.
i like writing it down though. feelings like these are like water, transient, impermanent they seep through my memories making clean, pristine images blurry, indistinct then when they are of a mind, rip them to shreds until everything good and pure, fun and sweet is re-written bad.
i forget how i felt when it was so good that i thought i was made of light. Right now i can only remember feeling like this all my life.
This feeling is a bitch. 
and here is my point. if in 3 years i make some feckless fool read this and call it my art will they have to nod and smile? or are they well within their rights to tell me to cheer the fuck up and stop writing this self serving shit?   
i am a English and theatre student. 
This is what i do.
what does that mean?
Fucked if i know.