heart wounds

Sometimes when reading you find something so beautiful it hurts your heart a little, at least i do. when i read a piece of poetry that is so simple yet so eloquent i want to hold it i want that so bad i forget that it is not real there is a quote from a romance novel by Lisa Kleypas that i read earlier this year in it a character says:
 "...and then another letter had come from Christopher so devastating that Amelia wondered how mere scratches of ink on paper could rip someone's soul to shreds."  
i agree whole heartedly with that statement books are "mere scratches of ink on paper" but sometimes they reach out and grab you be the throat. i like that.




this is my line journal it is with this that i justified spending a whole year outside of education (don't worry I'm over my initial guilt now) but here it is and inside it has many quotes: lines, whole poems and speeches from plays that when i read them made me genuinely happy

here is one from the play a disappearing number by the theatre company complicite what i like so much about this play is that it is devised meaning that it was written by the company some of the speeches where made up as they went along some written during rehearsals when i think about this and read this i wonder how something like this could come from someones mind like that it is truly beautiful:


"What reconciles me to my own death more than anything else is the image of a place: a place where your bones and mine are buried, thrown uncovered together. they are strewn pell-mell. one of your ribs leans against my skull. a metacarpal of my left hand lies inside your pelvis (against my broken ribs your breast like a flower.) The hundred bones of our feet are scattered like gravel. it is strange that this image of our proximity, concerning as it does mere phosphate of calcium, should bestow a sense of peace. yet it does. with you i can imagine a place where to be phosphate of calcium is enough"


there you see do you love it?


recently i did a production of Sarah Kane's Crave it was in a round about way what my last post was about that and the fact i had briefly lost my bag, purse, money and charity with the world
but there all back now
but during that production i discovered the beautiful poetry of Kane's writing say what you like about the violence, sexuality, and blatant insanity of her writing but you cannot deny the poetry of it or even its effects
in Crave the characters have no names, backgrounds, ages or even fixed genders and reading it, it is very hard to get a fix on personalitys and then perform them but there are some beautiful speeches made all the more poignant as they are slightly ambiguous for example the one i am about to quote is by the character "a" it has been suggested that "a" stands for abuser and the character its self at one point shouts "I'm not a rapist, I'm a pedophile" there is an amazing speech that he does earlier on in the play to a person he supposedly loves it is aimed at character "c" which is again suggested to stand for "child" but it is beautiful when performing this we split up the speech and used it as a transition into the next scenes so that everyone had a nice chunk of text and we were able to demonstrate the fragmented aspect of the speech here is my section: 
"...and wonder who you are, but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree, angel, enchanted forest, boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep, i can't find the words for it."
all well and good. but this is the section that i really like. it is subtle and dark and strangely haunting:


"Don't say no to me.you cant say no to me because it's such a relief to have love again and to lie in bed and be held and touched and kissed and adored and your heart will leap when you hear my voice and see my smile and feel my breath on your neck and your heart will race when i want to see you and i will lie to you from day one and use you and screw you and break your heart because you broke mine first and you will love me more each day until the weight is unbearable and your life is mine and you'll die alone because i will take what i want then walk away and owe you nothing. its always been there and you cannot deny the life you feel fuck that life fuck that life fuck that life, i have lost you now"