At Uni

people have asked me how i like univerity, how im settling in
in the spirt of what the blog was originaly about i have decieded to use the form of the epistolary novel for those of you who did not study dracula or the woman in white An epistolary novel is a novel written as a series of documents. The usual form is letters

here is a serise of correspondence between my self and and an annonomous other explaining how im finding it so far

Me:
i am seriously considering taking a vow of silence i went to a seminar and was the only one talking and i felt like this overbearing knowitall douche but today in a lecture who looks and sounds like Frankie Boyle said we should "contribute freely and fearlessly" i liked that it made me feel brave as opposed to obnoxious
i haven't made that many friends as yet they all seem like to much effort
and i keep comparing them t you guys, its like im constantly irritated that they don't get our sense of humour (but then why would they)
is everyone you've met so far a year younger?
coz that could be fun you could be all wise and superior like you have a secret that they stopped telling people the year they were born

Them:
Oh yes. You know that phrase "you don't know what you've lost till it's gone.." really understanding that in a profound way. We had a pretty fucking great group of friends didn't we? I have an affinity with no one here, if they laugh at my jokes it's only to humour me and fill in the silences.

No one here has the confidence to insult me - therefore, I cannot respect them. It's such a struggle to make idle conversation with people you really don't gel with isn't it? I realise that nearly 99% of the stuff that comes about my mouth is dripping with contempt and sarcasm, and I have to check myself all the time - which is tiring.

Yeah most people are a year younger - two girls on my course yesterday left their lecture early in order to buy a new outfit from Primark for their flat party. Where is the intelligence I ask?

Me:
here are a lot of what i think of as chavs but are just girls who dress like Cheryl Cole every day of the week it seems like a lot of effort for what is essentially, school. i genuinely thought that this was going to be a place full of subject geeks where the fact that im obsessed with the course im studying wouldn't be weird but everyone's still pretending to be a lot cooler than they are, i.e "i dont know how i got all As last year i didnt even study... i just turned up and then Buddha and Gandhi whispered the answers in my ear" , you lying git you studied like the rest of us and cried for no reason like every other teenager on the planet.
if i hear one more person moan about the fact they didnt go to bed until stupid o'clock in the morning and then had to go to lectures on time im going to commit GBH
the fact that you have to watch what you say will is going to get to you i think that my gap year made me in to something of a hermit so im not used to talking to people who can't ignore the barbs in my everyday speech that's probably one of the greatest things about talking to you and *** the fact that i can greet you with something so beyond the line and neither of you will blink but its only been a week
its bound to get better once you find people you can tolerate for long periods of time and if you dont your bound to get a better mark at the end of the year coz of all the time you spend studying
... alone

Them:
I thought I'd leave it a few days before I replied to you - in order to gauge the uni vibe more - and add more credibility to my bitching.

The situation remains the same - I've made a lot of guy friends on my course, I suppose because they're easier to talk to. But have yet to actually make a good close girl friend yet. Isn't uni so strange? It's probably the most social you'll ever be in your life - yet it seems be the most isolated. You're totally right, it has only been a week - so I'm trying to keep an open mind.

Cerebrally, (my uni) is not what I was expecting. The amount of people I've met who I'm like - how the fuck did you manage the entry requirements to get in here? is shocking. Nearly everyone's got a bitter oxbridge story - nearly everyone comes from some back beat village in the middle of nowhere - I miss Londoners. You can really tell the Londoners, I forget how different we all are to the rest of the country, by virtue to just growing up here. Some of my class mates flinch from moving traffic. No joke.

One thing I'm greatly admiring at (my uni) though is the £1 pints at the union. When you all come back, I'm definatly taking you there - a pint tastes so much better when it's a £1.
Tell of things. Are you still taking that vow of celibacy? Or have you met someone that tickles your fancy - or hymen.

Me:
i am seriously hoping that this is not the most social i will ever be cause if it is bring on the cats and tartan blankets; im going to die a spinster i have realised that it is for the most part my friends who make me feel funny, confident and smart because to be honest "independent" only means something when you have people to be independent from other wise the word your looking for is lonely. these days i think i live a little too much in my head...
i know what you mean about the arse end of england people there everywhere up here when people tell me shit like Sheffield is a big city it takes alot not to scoff but then again city snobbery is nothing new but you know what is new? racism. i have lived in london all my life so racism in jest is not new but sometimes something will slip out of the mouths of my country cousins that is so

with regards to things
as of italy my celibacy is no longer by choice funnily enough though the rest of the world remain indifferent to the fact, my return to the world of the "sexually active" has sparked no bacchanalian revelry and i am finding debauchery to be at an all time low
bugger.
in other news i spend at least two hours a day considering what my life would be like if i dropped out today and in all my imaginings i am sporting a rather lovely bin linner accessorised with my own faeces, as romantic as the idea of life in the gutter is cerebrally for the most part i think the stars look a hell of a lot better from a centrally heated flat preferably near canary warf (take that oscar wilde, this is what my life has become; taking pot shots at a dead Irish poet)

so there it is my uni life in letters
pretty lonely but "while there is life, there is hope"
wish me life...